[ She has it better in hand than he does. It's not like that's a surprise; he's still cooling off from how angry he got. But the burst of emotion from Jim is alarming, unexpected, and Billy's first uncharitable thought is: Not you too. The second is a weird flush of jealousy. Billy's a mess. He needs to dig a grave to crawl into. He misses long, yawning roads and headlights; thinks maybe he wouldn't be so fucked up if he could get out for 2 AM rides and a smoke.
His own slips have been smaller, felt in early mornings while half asleep; the cave echoes have been worse. He's quiet for an extra beat; Jim might think he's fled, but he eventually says, clearly uncomfortable: ] So? You still feel it.
Yeah, I still feel it. It felt like she was mine - mine her whole life. [His instead of ending up with him by unfortunate circumstance. He loves that kid with all he’s got, is the thing. He misses her something fierce; the longing is never ending, as is the worry, the wondering.
He sighs, though. ] I still feel all of them, you know. They were real until they weren’t, and I’ve been missing her this whole time. This just - makes the ache newer.
[Then, as kindly as he can be: ] I don’t know that it’s fair that Eddie has to feel it too.
[ This is above Billy's paygrade, and well above his emotional intelligence. Not when Billy's a mess like this, jaded and jealous and an insane part of him digs crescents into the heels of his hands, his nails sharp when he thinks, we were going to try for one. That or the fucking cruise.
Yeah, no. He needs a 2 AM ride and a pack of Marlboros. Maybe a forty. ]
Take what's fair up with Zlatka. And go talk to Munson about it, you can swap baby stories and get him level, or fuck him up more.
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His own slips have been smaller, felt in early mornings while half asleep; the cave echoes have been worse. He's quiet for an extra beat; Jim might think he's fled, but he eventually says, clearly uncomfortable: ] So? You still feel it.
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He sighs, though. ] I still feel all of them, you know. They were real until they weren’t, and I’ve been missing her this whole time. This just - makes the ache newer.
[Then, as kindly as he can be: ] I don’t know that it’s fair that Eddie has to feel it too.
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Yeah, no. He needs a 2 AM ride and a pack of Marlboros. Maybe a forty. ]
Take what's fair up with Zlatka. And go talk to Munson about it, you can swap baby stories and get him level, or fuck him up more.
[ Bye! ]